Often we assume that if we are NOT 'in control', things will go wrong. So we attempt to control our mind, our body and the people we associate with.
The Buddha said, "Craving leads to suffering and letting go leads to peace.” Craving to control and to instil fear in people does not always produce the outcomes that were originally intended.
Ajahn Brahm encourages us to open the door of our heart; to place freedom, trust, respect, kindness and compassion in others and ourselves. Often this will yield outcomes opposite to what we imagine as 'out of control'.